Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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