I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
