i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
