Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
