is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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