Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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