It's Friday. Sex?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
