I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
