Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
