just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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