I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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