just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
