i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You ruined the universe
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
