Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
