So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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