your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
