perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
