Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
