Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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