She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
