I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
