no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
