hell yes lets make some ravioli
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
