but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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