Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
