found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
