I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
