As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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