i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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