its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
