I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
