Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
