Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
