the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
