Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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