You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
