forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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