You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
