i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
