one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
