first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
