a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
