i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
