Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
