Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
