You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
