I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
