Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
