Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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