Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
