soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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