South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
