I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
